Now, when you go on a long trip, you’re bound to run into some possibly helpful advice. You’ve probably heard it before: don’t eat the tuna sandwich from a rest stop vending machine, steer away from the gas station burritos, and you probably don’t want to drink something that’ll make you pee. David Tracy somehow outclasses us all on poor dietary decisions. At the old lighting site, it was an open secret that he stored food in a truck bed during the winter. When I came over to help him wrench, he gave me a bottle of water from his outdoor “refrigerator” that I had to wait several hours to melt before I could drink. And now, to kick off his cross-country move, he’s apparently enjoyed spaghetti in his shower. Neither of our dear leaders has informed us of the logistics of this. Did David go through the entire process of making spaghetti, then just eat it in a shower? Was this some way to avoid doing dishes? Is eating spaghetti in the shower relaxing? Well, we may never find out, because David went down for the count after eating more mashed potatoes than any mere mortal can handle.
And as a response to David’s bad decisions, JurassicJeep25 came swinging, winning today’s COTD with this banger: So what you’re saying is David’s palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy? There was vomit on the dash already, shower spaghetti? It should come as no surprise that at least a few of us at the Autopian ignore the advice of well, everyone, and just eat whatever we want like feral animals. I ate a gas station burrito before seeing the Ford Transit Trail, and I found myself glued to every truck stop toilet between Michigan and Illinois. And one time, I ate unpasteurized raw bacon while on a road trip. I tell you what, that was the worst dietary mistake that I ever made in my entire life. I had a day-long stomach ache before I vomited at the summit of a mountain while straddling the state line of Tennessee. Have you ever puked in two states at the same time? Oh, and I don’t recommend consuming one of those huge jars of whole pickles, either. Look, I was pretty much a walking pickle for a week. I feel like this parody song is fitting for this situation…
We’re watching the comments, and it seems like a number of you want “Shower Spaghetti” merch. Well, that’s a crazy idea, and we like it! Maybe we can work something out here. At any rate, our brave trio will continue their journey westward, and given the updates thus far, there’s probably more calamity to be had! Top Photo: Speakman Company. Support our mission of championing car culture by becoming an Official Autopian Member.
The Autopian Gets An Intervention: Comment Of The Day
That Face When You Help Your Disorganized Friend Move Across The Country: Comment Of The Day
Was David Even In Australia When He Supposedly Achieved The Impossible? Comment Of The Day
Make it a semi regular ongoing series: The Pastopian. ???? Combine on plate, mouth and feet. I don’t know how Thailand’s restrooms are, but one of the U.S. truck stop restrooms I was forced to use had these funky stalls that were only about three-and-a-half feet tall. With all the food I go through, I was in no position to argue with my GI tract, so rather than fill my pants with vileness, I took a seat, pretending that the other people in the room weren’t there. While I was sitting on the porcelain throne sputtering away, everyone who walked into the restroom could see me from the torso up over the walls and stall door, including those washing their hands at the sinks, since I could see my face in the mirror at said sinks over the stall door. And that’s not even the worst facility I ever used, because at least it did have a stall, with a door, and no one really saw anything objectionable. A number of rest stops, truck stops, and campgrounds I’ve been to had doorless stalls, or even toilets completely out in the open with nothing covering them at all. When you gotta’ go, well… anything is better than the side of the road in traffic I guess. If you’re driving down the road trying to hold back some sort of fetid morass as it is building up an uncomfortable level of pressure, and finally come across a designated facility to address your biological need, it’s a total buzzkill to walk into the place and not only find that it is crowded, which is daunting enough with the standard American stall setup with a door, but that also everyone in there can openly see you do your business like you’re some kind of zoo animal, all because the minimum modicum of privacy typically provided and/or expected is completely absent altogether. I’ve seen too many places that have restrooms as described, missing stall doors or stalls altogether. Rest stops, truck stops, city/county/state parks, campgrounds, public swimming pools, bars, gas stations, bus stations, schools, county/state fairs, libraries, and so many other places. Sure, these are well less than 1% of public restrooms in the U.S., but they exist in enough frequency that I’ve come across them way too many times for comfort, whether I had to desperately use them myself or unwillingly got to see others using them. I’ve lost count of how many random strangers’ butts I’ve seen out of my peripheral vision while actively trying to avoid looking at them as I went about my business. Sometimes, holding it is not a viable option, which just ends up making everyone in the room at least sort of miserable, in what should be a room of rest. It’s even worse if you’re accompanied by people you personally know, because they get to see something about you they probably will not see before or after. It turns out the U.S. and China really aren’t as different from each other as one would think, just on the basis that both countries provide plenty of locations where performing boldly ablutions is rendered into a social event due to the design of the designated facilities to perform them. Perhaps the comparisons of present-day U.S. to ancient Rome aren’t so off base either, given this. Still better than the side of the road. Imagine being honked at by random strangers driving by, or even being taken out by a car while doing that, and how much that would suck. This is also why Oklahoma’s toll roads are evil. Autopian is more fun than Car and Driver ever was. I used to be an Opel Manta nutcase. I’ve got that going for me, which is nice. ;p It’s probably another pop culture DT won’t get when the team gets to LA. https://www.momsspaghetti.com/ tips@theautopian.com or hit the link in the top bar. Include your account info so they know who you are, too.
